Raya

Minal aidil wal faaizeen..selamat hari raya untuk diri saya..

Syawal tiba lagi meninggalkan Ramdhan dengan rasa pilu..coz i dont think that i was being good throughout the Ramadhan..the bitter part is MY MISSION IS NOT ACHIEVED..a bit (alot, actually) of frustrated there. And i turned down..feeling like i'm such a bad person. Astaghfirullah..may Allah forgive me.

Sepanjang Ramadhan jarang sekli saya merepek kat sini..coz i was trying not to deviate myself from my core duties. Anyway, i was busy preparing my research proposal for the past one month. InsyaAllah we will proceed soon. Not to forget, i got weekly assessments during my last posting (cuak sangat..and to read and digest the given notes/slides were really time-consuming).. alhamdulillah i got such a better result, all beyond my expectation..*barakah Ramadhan mungkin*

Weekend pula macam tak hengat dunia tidur..sleep debt konon!pastu nak buat amalan Ramadhan yg maha super best lagi dan tak mungkin belum tentu akan buat di bulan2 yg lain. All these things menyebabkan saya  kurang merepek disini.

Tapi kenapa saya nak cite time2 sekarang?raya kot! Ahaks..itu sume flashback je sebelum masuk fasa  raya..

3 hari sebelum raya saya dah tercangak kat rumah ni.ponteng kelas sehari! Apabila dirumah as usual, tugas sebagai kakak sulong bermula... Walau bagaimanapun..mood raya amatlah kurang untuk tahun ni.dunno why.

And today 1 Syawal 1433H..tak best sangat pun.boring je. Nasib baik ade Siputih I menceriakan suasana..terima kasih kerana menemani saya dan keluarge^^ At least dapatla juga buat photoshoot sikit2..
Raya for this past few years sangatlah tak best untuk family kitorang (kadang2 best sikit). Saya tak kisah pun sebab dah besar, and alhamdulillah waktu kecik2 dulu best. Cuma saya kesiankan adik2 saya yg patutnya merasai nikmat raya sekarang..bcoz ithink they dont really have full picture of what raya is about.kesian kan..huhu..tapi saya pun taktau nak tolong camane. Tapi nasib baik my mom is good enough to make all of us happy even without feeling the real raya.

Let see if tomorrow is better than today!

Wassalam

everything happen for a reason

yesterday i met my doctor to ask her on my condition

me: 

doctor, i'm having this since yesterday, and am already took one shot of injection but the condition doesn't seem to improve..how is it?

doctor: 

don't worry..just continue with ur medication first. what i'm gonna  tell u is u should recite salawat 100x, istighfar 100x, La ilaha illallah 100x and  al-Fatihah 40x. make it as ur daily routine..insyaAllah, those are 'ubat yg paling mujarab' for everything. 

could u remember what i'm telling u?

me:

yes, sure.. thank you doctor..thanks alot 

a short conversation between us. she told me that she was in rush while talking to me..but at least she had told me something..which actually a kind of reminder

i knew everything from my parents..they are well knowledge people who teach us with many good deeds and amalan. my parents always being a good parents to me and my siblings 

but me..a bad daughter. Hamba Allah yang tak tau bersyukur. tanda syukur is not by only  saying Alhamdulillah, but it's more than anything..your attitude should reflect that u are grateful. a grateful 'Abd will get closer to his Khaliq 

saya rasa dah menyimpang jauh from the right path..saya banyak memberi alasan to myself untuk tidak melakukan itu dan ini..betapa besarnya pengaruh La'natullah Syaitan dalam hidup saya.

saya mampu mendidik nafsu kearah kebaikan bila tibanya Ramadhan..dimana syaitan-syaitan itu telah diikat.. so now, saya harus mendidik nafsu supaya tidak tunduk dengan syaitan. insyaAllah..perlu bermujahadah

semoga ape yang berlaku menjadi turning point untuk kehidupan yang lebih bermakna.insyaAllah

wassalam

..sad moment..

sedikit rasa sedih..


tapi apakan daya..it sume hak individu and i have no right to decide for others.


dari kecil sampai la dah 20 skrg..i always think that i'm not nobody.


it's proven anyway.


..any idea yg keluar dari mulut saya jarang diguna pakai oleh org lain even the idea is good.
..dalam ramai-ramai org, suara saya paling kurang didengari dan diendahkan
..i used to say something vague kot. coz ble saya cakap..respond dari org adalah "eh, yeke.." "bukan macam ni ke.." or just ignore it or "awak buat la"


yes..i'm nobody..(this one tak perlu dipertikaikan)


..saya tak pernah jadi orang penting untuk sesiapa
..dan saya tak penting dalam hidup sesiapa
..dan tak pernah ade orang yang tak boleh hidup tanpa saya
..dan mungkin tanpa saya sume orang akan bahagia dan gembira 
bcoz..kewujudan dan ketiadaan saya tak memberi makna ape2 untuk sesiapa


even saya nampak keras kepala..kepala batu..degil..selfish..ego..penting diri..suka melawan..suka bergaduh..tak reti nak senyum  and apeape lagi seumpamanya..
tapi sebenarnye saya tak keras hati.


saya pun bukan nye selfish sangat..kalau ye..saya takkan rela buat sume benda ni..sume benda yg saya buat sekarang hanya mampu dilakukan oleh orang yang tak selfish.


that one thing..when i was about to do it..no one agree..so i give up once (because i know i can't do it without their help)


but then..when someone else take it..i feel so sad and i can't stop myself from not to cry. just imagine..


YaAllah..give me the strength..
tanamkan sifat keikhlasan yang teguh dalam diriku..
let me be somebody to someone who will appreciate my presence (my parents and my siblings)


YaAllah..put this feeling away from me..
i never want to have this feeling
i don't want to have this awkward moment 


please..

Saat ini

Saat ini,,
aku cuba memaksa diri 
untuk tidak tunduk pada kehendak diri
untuk melawan nafsu
untuk mengawal gelora jiwa
yang kian meruntun 


Saat ini
aku tetap sepi sendirian
meskipun disisiku ada insan lain
kerana ada rindu yang kusimpan
yang tak akan terlerai
selagi aku disini


kerana aku memaksa diri
aku memendam rasa ini
rasa yang membuat aku janggal 
rasa yang membuat hatiku menangis
dan rasa ini harus ku buang jauh
dan aku harus jadi insan yang ikhlas


kerana disitu pasti ada hikmah yang belum tersingkap
kerana Allah Maha Mengetahui..


dan Allah juga Maha Mengasihani
dan Dia tidak akan biarkan HambaNya begini
kerana aku yakin dengan janji Allah

wassalam..

My first post in my 19

assalamualaikum 


it has been 3 months since my last post..and that was before my pro exam.
now i'm sailing through my first year of clinical phase..
too much feeling to describe about it.


i love my profession to be..perhaps i will never change my mind

i mix with new people for this time being..thank God, Alhamdulillah..they are very supportive colleagues. 


i mix with real patients and i'm happy being with them..much more happier when they could remember me^^ and i myself could not even forget every single of patient especially those i spent more than hour with. Ya Allah, give me this kind of happiness forever until my last day of life as Your Servant in this world. 


i sorta love this place, doctors here and of course patients..but i have no choice..we have to leave by Sunday to another place. i hope i can find my happiness there.


the only problem is that i dont know how to study..my brain was like freeze after the exam last 3 months..i need to break the ice back so that it can recover well soon..i want to be the best i can and the furthest i can go.


**now i'm 19^^..just celebrating my birthday on first Raya..and of course i'm anak merdeka^^. i feel like i'm an adult now..with 18 little brothers and sisters.


t.h.a.t. i.s. f.o.r. t.h.i.s. t.i.m.e.^^

Keep motivated falah^^

assalamualaikum 

today is friday 1st Rajab..which means Ramadhan will be heading 2 months ahead.

i have only 10 days before my 1st pro exam..what a nervous and frightened moment.

what's important now is for me to keep motivated and cheerful to face the exam.

i guess everyone has their own way to keep motivated..

as for me i used to bear in mind that Allah will always help me whatever situation it is.

Allah akan makbulkan doa kite in the best way yang terbaik utk kite.

so don't worry..just be an obedient mu'min 

mcm dr rafidah cerite tadi based on her experience when she was in Year 4, O & G posting

she took study as her priority and leave other things aside..in order to focus better

unfortunately, during the exam day which was OSCE, the examiner took quite sometimes to spell her name right (sbb waktu tu they didn't use sticker as students' identification). it dragged her given time and finally she couldn't complete the physical examination within time..then she started to feel unease for subsequent station. Ble result keluar..she just got fair result which was really not equivalent to the efforts she made..Dr rafidah did learnt from her mistake and she want us to learn from hers as well..

efforts alone doesn't determine our success..coz Allah berhak menentukan segalanya..

macam ape yg saya penah lalui, sometimes bile kite study gilegile sampai depan pintu hall lagi seminit nak start exam pun, dapat result bese bese je (macam tak study)..

tapi bile kite relax2..study without stress dan tak penah lupakan Allah..macam unbelievable dapat result bagus even study bese bese je..saya pun bukannya terer pun, tapi i used to be cool and chill^^(kalau dalam bab study je la..dalam hal lain saya sangat stress)

lagi satu..don't forget ur parents..

saya selalu call umi untuk dapatkan ketenangan sebab sume stress selalunya hilang when i talk with her (even i don't tell her what kind of problem i'm having).when i think of my family, i feel motivated to study because they are my inspiration..

"yesterday might be bitter but tomorrow may be better"

untuk santapan di petang jumaat:

Firman Allah dalam Surah Az-Zumar [39:49]

Maka apabila manusia disentuh oleh sesuatu bahaya, ia segera berdoa kepada Kami; kemudian apabila Kami memberikannya sesuatu nikmat (sebagai kurnia) dari Kami, berkatalah ia (dengan sombongnya): "Aku diberikan nikmat ini hanyalah disebabkan pengetahuan dan kepandaian yang ada padaku". (Tidaklah benar apa yang dikatakannya itu) bahkan pemberian nikmat yang tersebut adalah ujian (adakah ia bersyukur atau sebaliknya), akan tetapi kebanyakan mereka tidak mengetahui (hakikat itu). 

t.h.a.t. i.s. f.o.r. t.h.i.s. t.i.m.e.^^