Assalamualaikum
Currently I'm posted
to HSM to do O&G..and today is my third day being here. I'm now suffering
from an unease feeling which is difficult to explain. I try to comfort myself
by thinking that those happened because of hormonal imbalance and what not..but
physiologically I am in balance state right now! I don't know..
O&G..that's the
issue..
Since I was in my
school age, I really into this career. I really wanna be an O&G specialist
and I really adore Dr Har. At that time, I just knew a little on job scope and
workload as a doctor. I didn’t know what doctors exactly do in hospital. I didn’t
know what is specialist is all about.
Now I know them. I
know things that I should know. But that's not the problem now..
The problem is
here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saya dah start rase
dilemma whether nak teruskan ngan minat lama or not. Truly speaking I'm not
that happy to be here. Environment yg saya nak takde. I know that I shouldn’t
blame the environment..but then itu yg
berlaku skrg..saya sgt sedih. I shouldn’t be like this..3 hari je dah takde
mood. Ya Allah, give me strength! Saya nak terus stay on this path..but I
really need support. Saya tahu ini sume nye dugaan dari Allah, untuk saya jadi
lebih tabah.
Saya nak balik
semangat yang saya ade waktu IM and Paeds..
My dear friends.. I
really want u guys to support me. I don’t want to dislike this posting. Walhal
saya sangat suka baca buku die. Saya jarang beli medical book, but one of the
book yg saya impikan nak beli dari dulu was Ten Teachers. And skrg I have these
2 books. And I'm very happy to have them. And I wish that I can keep them
sampai saya jadi specialist in future.
I just don’t like
the environment when I'm in the hospital. Everybody is not doing the right
thing. I hate that! Saya tak nafikan that saya pun tak lepas dari lakukan
sebarang kesilapan. But bila basic and simple order pun ramai yg tak boleh
buat, I feel sad..very very sad..coz I don’t want other people to mistrust us.
Dari first year sampai skrg, I tried my best to like and love my group, that of
course given by lecturer. I felt happy in my group in Year 1 and 2. but
now?it's hard nak put into words. Tapi tak kisah la, I still want to try.
insyaAllah, Allah takkan mensiasiakan usaha hambaNya. Saya nak belajar…….coz I
know time is short..and second chance will never mean anything.
Case sgt banyak kat
ward..tapi ape yg saya dah buat selama 3 hari kat sini? Saya rasa sgt rugi..Ya
Allah. Saya rasa kurang confident nak pegi jumpa patient sorang2..tapi saya tak
tau nak ajak sape temankan saya. Sometimes, I really feel neglected. I don't
know how to share this feeling with other person. please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are a few more
thingy that make me feel this way..tengok labour, cara kerja, etc. Dah tak
mampu nak tulis kat sini..penat bersedih!even dah cuba sedaya upaya to be as
cheerful as possible. insyaAllah FALAH will be mine!
-NuRFaLaH-
