antara results dan perasaan

assalamualaikum


hari yang tak best..
pagi Jumaat as usual..xde keje lain other than test..


pastu
harini results utk last block dah keluar
dan i'm the one who paste it on the board..


saya tgah tunggu my mentor kt luar bilik lecturer tuh
then tetibe dr hamidah kuar and ask 
"ade sapesape second year tak kat sini?"
sebab time tu ramai student yg gather kt situ
but i'm the only second year that exist.
dgn bangga nye saya pun m'jawab "ye saya second year..nape dr?"
"nah ambik ney pegi tampal".. she give me that paper.
saya pun ambik dan tengok..
perasaan waktu tu sgtlah cannot be describe..taktau lah kenape..
sampaikan saya lupa nak tgok results saya sendiri.


saya pegi toilet..and panggil kawan saya yg sdg berada dlm toilet
"awak..result dah kuar,ade kt tgn kite"
"hah?? ape??" die pun cepatcepat kuar..
then only saya buka kertas tu and tengok the results
mcm speechless pun ade..mcm my brain stop functioning at that time.
results saya is not that bad.
tapi bila saya tgok results kawan saya tu and my other groupmates..
tetibe rasa sgt sedih..i feel so bad.
nape diorang terer sangat???? most of them are better than me.
even beza satu grade je..but still..bcoz of that satu grade..i lost 0.34 points.


saya redha dan bersyukur dng ape yg saya dapat.
cuma just saya sedih sebab can get the best grade.


i try to rationalize my thought.
maybe saya slack kat OSPE kot..mungkin markah saya tak sampai sepuluh pun (out of 60)
OSPE tu kan banyak anatomy..saya kan allergic ngan anatomy..padanla muka saya.
maybe markah OSCE saya pun not so good kot..below 8 out of 10.
takpela..
tapi i believe in myself, i was doing very well in final exam last time..i mean the writing one..at least i get 80 out of 100%..i should be confident with myself bcoz i had giving my best effort in answering that..i also applied all my existing knowledge on Nervous System to answer the questions..i think i was doing it well..


pastu baru saya rase ok sikit
selepas dah berjaya coolkan diri sendiri


and saya janji ngan diri saya 
i'll get back what i'd lost during last block
and redeem it to this block
inshaAllah i'll keep my promise up to this coming Friday.
dan saya bernazar..kalau saya dpt A for this block..
i'll fasting for 3 days..
may Allah help me..


t.h.a.t. i.s. f.o.r. t.h.i.s. t.i.m.e.